The Journey Has Your Back

Julie: 0:08

Hello everyone and welcome back. I'm so glad you're here. I want to tell you about a conversation I had recently with the writing group and before I get too far into it, I can already tell I feel really strongly about the topic that came up through this conversation and sometimes, as I talk about things that I feel pretty strongly about, it comes out in my voice. I can tell that I speak a little differently when I talk about it, but it's important and it's going to touch on some pretty tender things for some people. I think it does for me anyway, as I talk about this. So I just want to mention that before we get started. This conversation was with a writing group. It was a group of authors and I was talking to them about ways that they can use the journey model as a way to bring authenticity into their writing. It was a lovely discussion and there were a lot of fun connections that could be made, as I invited these authors to use their own experiences of the different steps in the journey, especially their emotional experiences, to create characters that are believable, that resonate with the reader, and during the presentation I mentioned in almost an offhand and a comment that the journey has our backs. And when I said that, and then later in the discussion that we had at the end, there was one author in particular that caught hold of that statement, and I could tell that he was actually struggling with it, and the more that he shared with the group, the more it became clear that he just couldn't believe it. For him, if the journey had his back, then he would have had the success that he had been looking for. The people who could launch his career would have shown up if the journey had his back. If the journey had his back, things would be working the way he wanted, and they weren't. Therefore, the journey couldn't have his back because things were different than the way he wanted them to be, and it was really difficult for him to accept this idea that the journey is looking out for us, and I think, especially if we're experiencing a lot of really hard things, it can feel very much like the journey doesn't have our backs, that the opposite is actually true. However, I feel very strongly that not only does the journey have our back, but it actually has our backs better than we do, and I'll explain what I mean by that, but that's what we're going to talk about today, and again I'm going to talk about the journey as though it has intelligence, because I believe it does, and I think giving the journey the qualities of an intelligent entity can give us the ability to relate to it in a way that allows us to have a relationship or insight with it. And that may not work for everyone, and I totally understand that, but it might be an interesting thought experiment if you're willing to come with me for the next few minutes.

Julie: 2:50

So when I say that the journey has our backs, what exactly does that mean? Well, practically speaking, one way that it shows up is by guaranteeing that we have to go all the way through the journey. It in fact, in some ways leaves us no other choice. Each of the steps in the journey process is deliberate and it's necessary it's included to ensure that we actually change and become better Now as human beings and so much of this is human behavior and human thought processes versus the journey. But as humans, we actually often want to skip steps. We want to jump over the hard parts and given our opportunity, we probably would. But the journey knows that if we skip steps, it would deprive us of the experiences that we need. But the journey knows that doing so would deprive us of the experiences that we actually need. It knows that this is the way, and that's not the only way. Another way that the journey has our back is that in our fear and our weakness and our frustration. If we choose to continue down a path that is not for our greater good, by refusing the change in the abyss, or refusing to learn during the trials and temptations, the journey will continue to bring the opportunity to us to choose differently, over and over and over, even, and maybe especially, when we don't want it to. Another way that it shows up for us is that it appears to know the end from the beginning. It knows the bigger picture of the best version of ourselves, and that's a vision that we don't have. And I want to dig in just a little bit deeper into what having our backs can look like with that lens, because, when it comes to journeys, we have to remember that the journey exists as a mechanism for becoming the best possible version of ourselves, and the ebb and the flow of building up and breaking down the pathway to being our genuine selves comes through these experiences, these experiences that change us permanently. And with that understanding, we also have to remember that at the beginning of the journey we have our limited, lacking understanding. As the call comes to us, we see in front of us possibilities based on what we can currently see. So let me give you an example to see if I can demonstrate this.

Julie: 5:31

We'll take Harry Potter when his call comes at the beginning of his journey. We're talking about the very beginning of the first book. All Harry knows is that he is being invited to come to a wizarding school. That's what the invitation says. He doesn't really know what that means. All he knows is that it will be away from the miserable home life he's used to. He knows nothing about magic. He knows nothing about wizards. He didn't know there was a school. He just knows it will be away from where he is and where he has been unhappy. The path that he can see ahead of him is to go to a school and supposedly become a wizard Again, not that he even knows what that means, but that's what's given to him. That's what he can see Now, at this point.

Julie: 6:25

If someone had told Harry that his journey would be to defeat Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters through destroying Horcruxes and casting Expelliarmus, ejecting the wand from Voldemort's hand into his own as the killing curse rebounded off his body. He would have no clue what they were talking about None. The actual end of his journey was literally incomprehensible for him. He didn't have the ability to understand what was coming, what lay ahead of him. He knew nothing of magic, he didn't know specific spells, he had no idea who Voldemort was. The knowledge and the experience that he was going to need were going to come through the journey, and he had no way of knowing that.

Julie: 7:15

And this happens to us so often. There's an opportunity that comes up and we see a potential outcome that we think is not only the most likely but also the best possible outcome, and we embark on the journey believing that we can see the end from the beginning. This could be in applying for a job, it could be in starting a relationship, it could be in having children, it could be going to school. There's all sorts of ways that we think this journey should end. The problem is we can't see the end from the beginning. We have no clue what our journey holds for us Because, just like Harry, we don't have any way to comprehend that which we have no experience with, that which we've never encountered, that which we can only understand after the journey is over, and unfortunately, we tend to anchor ourselves on the way that we perceive at the beginning that the journey should play out, before we know any of the things that we're going to need to know. But I want to talk about anchoring for just a second. If you've never heard of anchoring before, it's really worth taking a moment to talk about what it means, because it actually affects us a lot in our day-to-day living.

Julie: 8:31

Anchoring in terms of a cognitive bias because that's what it is describes people's tendency to rely too heavily on the first piece of information that they receive on a topic. So, whether or not that information is accurate, people use it as a reference point or anchor that's why it's called anchoring to make subsequent judgments about that situation. So let's say, for example, that you are wanting to buy a certain car and let's say that the first price that you hear for that car is $10,000. This number let's just say it came from a friend that was guessing how much the car might be worth. Now you have no idea if this number is realistic at all, but each time you hear a subsequent number about how much that car would cost, the tendency will be to compare it to $10,000. Anything under $10,000 will seem like a deal. Anything over $10,000 will seem too expensive. Now, this is true even if the actual value of the car is, let's say, $15,000, where $12,000 compared to $15,000 seems like a deal. If you are anchored at $10,000, it will be hard to feel like $12,000 is a deal. Hopefully that makes sense.

Julie: 9:50

Wherever we anchor ourselves, we will compare that at any given moment to new information that comes in. That becomes the baseline that we compare things to. So when we stand at the beginning of our journeys, we anchor ourselves in whatever we think the outcome should be. At that moment it becomes our gauge for success. But what we were thinking the journey should be is totally different than what it's actually about. Anything else might actually seem disappointing because of where we're anchored. If we don't get that job, if we don't write a bestseller, if we don't get the investment money, whatever it is, we feel like we've somehow been let down. And the solution here is actually to recognize our anchors, to look at where we're feeling disappointed or like we're not getting the best deal and see if we can tell where those anchors are and, if possible, re-anchor to more realistic, more reliable or more correct information. So back to the journey here.

Julie: 11:02

One of the reasons people think that the journey doesn't have their back is because of that initial anchor. They think they know what the journey is supposed to be about and, honestly, chances are very good that they don't. They don't have any idea what the journey is about Because they can't, not until the journey's over. And yet they judge the journey against this anchor and they feel like they've been let down or, even worse, that the journey itself has abandoned them. What we're really saying in those moments is that if the journey doesn't turn out the way we think it should, that means that the journey doesn't have our back, and that's where I want us to be careful Again.

Julie: 11:43

I understand when it's hard. It can be very difficult to see this, but we put such rigid boundaries around what we see as a singular, acceptable outcome that we see everything else as failure and can feel abandoned. If the journey really cared about me, it would make sure I get what I want, and I am not in any way chastising or judging these thoughts. They are totally normal and they follow absolutely the way our brains work. But hopefully you can see how these thoughts can be very limiting and they can significantly alter our willingness to partner with the journey. Because, you see, the journey wants the best for us, the actual best, the real best, the best that will take us closer to the person we're capable of becoming. It's a kind of love that runs very deep and with it the understanding that sometimes what we want will keep us stuck, stuck in our patterns, stuck in our habits, stuck in our fears. The journey wants so much more for us.

Julie: 13:02

And to bring in a little from my yoga studies, there is a Hindu god named Kali that demonstrates this kind of love. One of my teachers, as I studied to become a yoga therapist, spoke of Kali in this way and it really resonated with me. So, with all respect toward the traditions and lore of Kali, this version is the one that I'm going to be using today, the one that this teacher taught me. In this interpretation of this goddess, we look at her as an archetype, a core myth that represents some deep and universal truths. In this case, kali is fierce. Her visage is frightening. She has 10 arms that she uses to kill and to destroy. Her eyes are red like fire. Her tongue is extended, although she's exuding a breath of fire and to look at her can be frightening. In fact she is never not frightening, and that fear only debins when you come to understand the destruction that she's capable of.

Julie: 14:05

But Kali's archetype is not just destruction. It's also transformation and transcendence. She is the goddess of love and protection. You see, she loves us so fiercely and so deeply that she is unwilling to allow us to stay in our self-deceptions, in our limiting beliefs. It's with her 10 arms that she comes to slay our demons, and she does not pull her punches To bring to light. That which holds us down when she would have us rise is exactly where she lives. She fearlessly takes what we are afraid to let go of, destroying our old self violently if that's what it must be so that the new self can be born, and I love this idea. It's so much like the journey that I've come to know.

Julie: 15:03

The journey knows and sees the best of us. It is committed to seeing that best come to its realization, even if it means that we must go through a difficult, painful, transformative process to get there. The journey will ask of us those things that we hold most tightly, especially if those things are holding us back. It will provide the same lessons over and over and over again. As long as we refuse to learn them, the journey will continue to bring them back. In fact, pema Children talks about this in such a beautiful way In her book when Things Fall Apart.

Julie: 15:44

She said nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. If we run 100 miles an hour to the other end of the continent in order to get away from the obstacle, we find the very same problem waiting for us when we arrive. It just keeps returning with new names, forms, manifestations, until we learn whatever it has to teach us about where we are separating ourselves from reality, how we are pulling back instead of opening up, closing down instead of allowing ourselves to experience fully whatever we encounter, without hesitating or retreating into ourselves. I was so struck when I first read that nothing ever goes away until it's taught us what we need to know, that we do have multiple opportunities to learn the lessons that the journey has for us. This is, I think, one of the difficult truths of journeys. There's more than one, but this is most certainly one of them. The journey is not content to leave us in our weaknesses, in our deceptions in our fears. It cares about us too much for that to happen. It will hold these lessons for us, painfully and brutally, if that's what it takes in order for us to finally be free of what's holding us back, no matter how blind we are, how desperately we hold onto that which harms us, the journey does not give up on us. It will bring us these lessons over and over and over and over, giving us chance after chance after chance after chance to be truly and finally free of everything that is not us.

Julie: 17:41

So when I say that the journey has our back, I say it with a reverence for all the things that our limited perspective prevents us from seeing. I know that, left to my own, I would, because of my human nature, choose to stay in my comfort zone. I would choose to take the easy route that doesn't require change. But if that happens, I really never have a chance to become the best version of myself, because it isn't in my nature for most of us as well to do it on my own. There's so much I would miss, so much I wouldn't be able to experience, so much that could have changed me, freed me, if only I had been able to let it.

Julie: 18:33

And with that same reverence, I acknowledge how hard this is. It's easy for me to say this from this point in my life where I'm able to see certain things relatively clearly. But I know it's hard. I know how deeply and painfully and terribly hard that these journeys can be. And the fact that the journey has our back is little comfort. When we grieve, when we experience loss, when our very identity is shattered into a million pieces, I know, I promise I know, and in no way would I want to try to dismiss any of those things, because it's often in those tender, vulnerable, soul-searing moments that we're able to see the world and ourselves as we truly are. But maybe, just maybe, having that knowing somewhere in the back of our minds as we suffer can give us the strength to hold on just a little longer, to breathe once more, and then once more, and then once more.

Julie: 19:43

Journeys are not for the fate of heart, my friends. They will require everything of us. But knowing that this is the sacrifice for becoming our true, amazing, wonderful, world-changing selves, at some point we'll be able to look back and see the divine hand of the journey picking us up, carrying us, comforting us and believing in us, even as it demands everything of us. The journey has our backs, my friends, even and especially when we don't want it to, even more than we do, and that felt important to share today. Life is a journey, my friends, and that journey has our backs. It's time to start living like it. Thanks again for being here. Please send any questions that you have to info at thejournibluprintcom and I will see you in the next podcast.